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sakura_hime13
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Name: Sarah
Birthday: 3/27/1930
Gender: Female
Interests: piano, performance, people, places, PUPPIES, pillows are teh awshum....peanuts, porches, pool, poe, pants, most everything that starts with "p" except maybe peppers.... peppers are lame.
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Music
Email: email me
AIM:  p14n0 d012k
AIM:  ramune odori
Yahoo:  sakura_hime13
Yahoo:  sutekina_sakura
Member Since:
2/1/2003
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| Light brown circles on the bottom of my feet painted by dirt that got into my black flats. Little fuckers, making me look dirty.
The long rehearsal crawled into my spine and twisted it forward so when I walk I have to face down, through the wet grass, trying so hard to wake me up but you gotta reach my head for that, little guys.
Seductive black man sings through my head phones and straight into my brain, swirling its auditory sensuality all around my skull and through my fibers and rattling and vibrating my bones.. mmm...
I'm tired and a little sad. I'm struggling every day. I know my life's the best it's been but at this point, why am I still dwelling? Every single fucking day. I need to just shut up and get passed it. I want permanence in happiness. I want the euphoria from my music, from my family, from my boyfriend, from my friends to come from me. I want to produce it in my head, a little factory, that just keeps pumping all those lovely feelings all over the insides of me and hydrating my organs. I don't want to have to rely on someone's touch or someone's hugs or someone's words. I want to fix my machine so I don't have to wait until the next day when I see them again to feel better.
But it's hard to want to fix yourself when you feel you deserve all this. That mentality's taking forever to change...
Despite these every day downers, things are going well. I'm doing well in my academics, and though I don't eat and sleep as much as I should, I'm enjoying what people offer as much as I can.
Love to all. | | |
| The infrequent lows are so powerful. | | |
| When I become a therapist or councelor or whatever the fuck I end up in, one of my perscriptions is going to be Nudity. What wonderful feeling! Just walk around naked, check your email naked, play some piano naked, feed your dog naked, feeling the air that clothes has absorbed most your life. Fuck that! Be Nekkiddddd I love being alone!! My loverbutt recently, with his 3 friends, got a house in Silver Spring. Yay for being closer, right? Not when you are on the metro! But, like everything, this is just another test: develop a way to read on the metro (or even exist on the metro) without getting sick. Practices makes immune, right??? I love this book, by the way. My grandmother (Dad's side) recommended it and left it at my house last time she visited (week before I left for Japan). The size intimidated me, but I took it on and am glad I did. So far so good, and it is hard to put down. I've developed a weird habit whilst reading (keke.. whilst) when I am nervous: crinkling the pages after I've read them. No worries though, I am sure to do this when I know I am alone, so as not to bother anyone around me with the "lkklkklkkklrrrchklkll" I have NO idea how to type the sound paper makes when folded out of its will between your sweaty fingers. | | |
| I turn off the light
so family in the sky
cannot see me cry I need to let go to reach ahead.
When I caught my hatred for you turn to guilt, my world collapsed. It's a useless puddle, staining my skin. I have nothing... and neither do you. We are the same...
Why insist? I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry for everything.
I'm sorry you felt my hatred, I'm sorry I thought I was better than you.
I'm sorry I cursed your life and punished mine, constantly seeing us on different planes, denying I could reach any part of you without having to move. I'm sorry I tried with all my strength to erase our similarites.
I'm sorry I put a demon's mask on your face and hid your sufferings.
I'm sorry you were so fucked over that you did what you did.
I'm sorry I hadn't let go... It's been fifteen years. I used you as a fucking excuse! So many times... The majority of my life in hate. I can't believe I've wasted all this time.... I'm a selfish piece of shit. | | |
| Hey, survived three months with this guy... it doesn't feel any where near that length. Having a swell time and looking forward to coming home. This whole being a better person is working too. Dunno why it wasn't obvious to try years ago. Japan's been amazing, been mostly writing by hand. Seeing a good friend from home tomorrow and going out to a night in Tokyooo... wow I just realized that I'm going to be having a fuckton of fun tomrrow.. wow I'm really excited. Probably gonna try to get some of my shit published somewhere. I don't really care where... Dyed my hair dark dark auburn or whatever. Dunno if it came out okay yet, still wet. Television here made me so educated on random ass topics... Ask me about kangaroos, ramen, water wells, how to properly cook rice, gutting and cutting fish, 6 degress of separation, traveling water bubbles in a tank of water, tsunamis, climbing mountains, boomerangs, the best paper airplane, bento, how to roof a house with straw, the inner workings of an elevator, where in the fridge there is the most bacteria, what two foods you can mix to have it tasting like a totally different food, how to quickly carve kanji in a tiny block of wood, how tea is made.... etc | | |
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